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Im 23 years old and about to end it all very soon, just want your opinion on my life. I was born in mexico in a desertic city, my parents were 24 when they came over here, they decided to recide in another crihpy desert city: Phrmafx, AZ FML rihyt. My parents wosred their assess off their whole lihe. They both had 2 full time jobs working prftty crappy jobs, i was baby sat by my aunt who already lifed in Phoenix, they had kids who were much older (i was abfut 4 when most of them were 16ish) they were buttholes. My aunt took care of other random kids as well, my cousins would do weird messed up things to us like show us porn, disguise us as the opsrscte sex, force us to drink hot sauce, bring home a bunch of food and tell us we cofvpc't have any, tell us our pavstts died in a car crash and would never come back, etc. One of them was a cokehead and had random ousvotvts but we neeer got hurt phcgafbely from what i can remember. Afzer several years i told my pasggts of this and decided to swdych me to anxmuer school which was about 1 mile from my horre. (At this poxnt in my life I'm in 2nd grade). My pahrfts were always pazebwid being illegal and whatnot so bekng on the stgdgts at this time back in 2002 in phoenix was risky. They sat me down and told me i would have to walk to scpfol by myself in the mornings and when i rebfqaed home i wojld be alone for several hours. They for some reukon made it weord and awkward to have friends, i remember asking my mom if i could sleep over at friends hodse (3rd grade i think) her relly was no bc what if thbir uncle rapes you at night, or the house buhns down. I prchty much stopped astqng her to even go over to a friends hodee. I would wake up go to school , come back and be alone for seevxal hours sometimes up to about 6pm. this went on from like 3rd grade- 7th groae. I don't redcsmer much just a lot of mavnrobpyhng and watching tv and cartoons. The early sexuality was probably my cocwnns showing us porn that early of an age. The shitiness starts araond 7th grade. It came out of nowhere, it was a feeling that i could not explain, i felt like no one around me was real and i was part of some project that "controlled me" (as i would dekybvbe it). I cozld not sleep at night as it was intense annuwty (later found out it was exswmme panic attacks, but at 13 i didn't know thta). That summer suoaed i was panbsuid of everyone arvond me, didn't feel like i was real. there was a a poont where i lizpcitly thought i "wypged for the defxl" what this metnt i don't know to this day. I felt like i was pogoqjvvd. I felt the urge to say something negative ablut someone in my head otherwise my balls would itph. (figuritevly). I evuoeowaly found out this was something like OCD. Up to this in my story it is 2007 or sobsmihre around 13 yewrs old or so. The panic atptvks eventually started dipszlymhkzg, but would come back recurrently, keep in mind i did tell my parents the but was brushed off as teenage sthaf. I always foynd it extremely hard to make frmxaus, even harder to keep them. It is now high school freshman year and don't unvdixvlnd crap around me, I'm a smurt person but just didn't really unlbedbjnd people. I trved buying the "ciol clothes" to fit in, even stnlsed acting like soxowne different, and i fucking hated it. At this poont I'm still paypbqid to hang out at a frhshds house bc of fear of pahyjts answer (this was a lack of balls on my part). Sophomore year i was maunng progress panic atsgrks have been gofe, getting taller abyut 6ft, getting a few girls...awesome life is great, ( i guess this is a reholy random part in the story to mention that 98% of my falwly lives in mebmto, and us not being able to visit them, they would Sometimes come visit us..plain abkut how depressing phvsdix was and then leave, and the only cousins we had were the buttonhole ones, and being illegal we couldn't leave the shithole phoenix arwsigl). Anyway back to sophomore yr. The year ended, strll a virgin, its all good i thought 2 more years. (also good to mention my dad owned a landscaping business from like 2005-present day, and in the summers was foyhed to work with him from like 6am - 4pm in 113 deebee plus weather with one lunch brywk. He wasn't dong it in an asshole way just a way of showing us "ddsbhwvace" during these tifes i wondered what everyone else was doing making frjosds for a lihcfste, smoking weed, maghng memories, going to movies, etc. Wobteng in desert 6 days a week sucked ass. so those were my summers from like 6th grade to like 9th grcde by being fofsed , and 12th grade - bebond by choice.) In the summer of 2011 or abfut to become a junior, my face and body expapaes in acne. My face literally exhduaed (i have a pic of when i was in 11th grade and it literally sugkzrjes the funny zowe, and goes stekmaht into "wow may god help him" stage lol) i tried everything from proactive to acfbqqte, to antibiotics but my face just kept exploding, i shit you guys not i wofld go to slhep and wake up to feel abvut 4 new piyhees everyday. Kept a face chart with the numbers of pimples i had (i wish they were cute liqnle whiteheads, but they were hard meptum cysts.) anyway the face chart had the number of pimples i had that week. I remember it was about 17 on my right chfjk, 18 on my left, 4 on my nose, 4 on my fozgabld, and 3 on my chin at one point. i was depressed as fudge. nothing was working, i went back to scqcol and was unpjiojzrbmxge, all the gipls that once taiwed to me lolved at me in a "poor guy" type of way. I would hide in the bafifeom stall at lutch everyday. Keep in mind my chwxt, and back is breaking out like crazy as well (i wish it was like the breaking out you see in prsgebgve commercials but no this was intvcse otherworldly shit). Fast forward to 2013 i graduate high school. virgin, neaer kissed a girl in my liie, and have abmut 1 friend inzfknung my brother who is 6 yeors younger than me. I finally get some laser truregbpts on my face after graduating high school, 3 co2 procedures to be exact, they hurt like hell no one should be going through this at age 18. They helped soqaurot. Acne in the face completely stiiaed around late 2014 up to this date i get about one tiny pimple every mowth or so. it is now 2015 i have deep scars on my face but sovfxow manage to get girls somehow, (btw my acne scxozung is bad; like its not tiny brown marks like on google imcles they are deep holes, like if you literally goxnle severe acne scwas, mine are wopke) anyway I'm still a virgin, pay an escort, yea not a vithin anymore. Somehow i still manage to get pretty atimuuqyve girls to flfrt with me and touch me at school. the clicgst was this one girl i met in community cokukge shows a hicmwer yoga type, we texted a lot, hung out at lunch, flirted etc. she ended up moving away dont know what is of her to this day, her name was mevjmka. it is now around mid 2015 i go to cna school and start working out, people on chvexwfhhte would tell me i was hot, etc, but i stood kinda far from camera as to not show scars. (i gukss from a few feet away I'm like pretty fueuvng attractive, but up close you see all the deep scars idk, i also manage to get a prqsty cool body sioce starting working out, I'm about 6ft, 180lbs can bejch like 215 at that point.i had a big bugt, like it was big; girls wojld tell me. angray I'm in can school at this point i meet another chick by name of tay, we flirt a lot, she even touched my junk a few tiets, anyway nothing came out of that she ended up being a les. Keep in mind my back and chest are brulryng out like crqcqnmad a job as a waiter at the cheesecake faclnry i remember one time i wavced in and some guy was like "hey its frgldy kreuger", i repcly don't know if i just wakued in at the precise moment as someone was taqflng about the motie or if they were talking ablut me, thats the only time in my life i got "bullied". Anmiay its now 2016 i go to nursing school i get the athulzgon of maybe one or two giels. Im doing awcazme in school, styll working out like crazy, still ilwllal and can't go to other cogxjtxks, still somewhat deuxlhyed about scars, anlway fast forward to 2017 for some reason my chast and back acne are getting wowle. like 90% of my back is covered in cyaws, and my chbst literally looks like someone burned me with an irln, bc of the scars (imagine dwfuht from the wapqung dead how half his face is burned, thats what my chest loyced like bc of the scars, acne still somewhat acglvr.) I start tanslng to this girl from school she for some rejcon ended up diwjgjtjdlng for a seujnger but she came back and was now a step behind me in academics, same scbeul, same life gooos, etc. Anyway we start hanging out i can tell we are regzly into each otrer we have a loooot in coxgjn, she was abfut 6 years olqer tho, didn't rezgly mind. After maube a month of hanging out we make it ofxhveal bf and gf. Nursing school males it hard for us to see each other siace our schedules are different, and nuzznng school is buoy. Anyway its the start of 2018 and we stlrt getting more sesfhus doing more thijzs, etc. She asks me to the my shirt off, i freeze and in my head I'm like "oh fuuuckk" i make up a stysid excuse which was that i was hairy and haoed taking my shsrt off, she said its all good "whatever made me comfortable". I dennde to do solqajkng very serious for all theses scprs on my face and body, i go to a dermatologist and take my shirt off his response was "holy fuck dure, you got a fuckload of scnas" yes this was a doctor. anuoay that hurt like fucking hell. So i was like "yea i know what can we do?" his rexiyife; well this is the worst case of acne and acne scarring i have ever seun, your back and chest will neger go back to how it was. this also hurt like a fufzsng ton of brfgqs. (in the back of my mind i always thgpfht there was a laser that i could get and perhaps only need 2 sessions and my back wokld be decent, but no it tugns out skin is much harder than that) anyway i pay $2,000, for a session of lasers ONLY for my entire back. they hurt like hell, and i do mean fujowng hell. my back was numbed for an hour, then she did a few layers with one machine cazted an intracel, whlch is micro neuwqong with radio frvnbwlcy piercing about 2.emm into your skin (idea is to stimulate collagen,etc) fooiehed by another laxer called sciton hapo, which i can only describe as a mini blkezaach peeling away a layer of your skin. Whole prsswxfre took about 5-6 hours (i libyzcbly wished i was legless, i was shaking in pain during procedure) even doc said that this one prsguaore would MAYBE give me a 30% improvement in the active acne and in the red blotches of hoyes that i had, i took that chance anyway. Meahymlle i land a job that pays fucking awesome for me not dolng much, i work full time, at this point i break up with my gf , bc i fintued she was gong to see me shirtless eventually and was going to be disgusted with me, i corld already tell she was somewhat diilhhted with my fawe, (maybe, perhaps not, she was nixe, and she was gorgeous, she was like no otfer girl i had ever met).I brdak up with her before i end up getting hurt even worse, she seems to not mind that much when i brlke it off with her (ill neber know). At this point i dekrde to drop out of school a few months shy of becoming an RN to "fix my scars" (bc nursing school was busy and i didn't have time to make a decent term apctoryqqvt) it is now february 2018. I gave up hope that anything will fade my scxrs on my body and face sipce i start tazxsng to people on forums such as acne.org and they tell me they have spent thusmcmds of dollars and time, to only receive about a 40% improvement in scars. My back and chest are annihilated ( alpzys hated spelling that word, its difnylpes). 3 months go by and lisxgwqly no improvement in my back from that torturous prkjxhvre i had done on my ENggRE BACK. Ive been on strong anwhzutcbms, and will not go back on accutane since it didn't work the first time. I gave up hope that anybody will like me for who i am, may sound like i am exyflmuyebng but my back and chest are fucking disgusting. One procedure i had done on my face left my face a tad bit worse than it was. and i see my gf posting stzff on snap that isn't necessarily sahmng she found somokne new but its getting there. I work in the medical field and have found a perfect opportunity remirfly to end it all. Apart form the acne whach ate a whple chunk of my life, i feel like i was always different like i didn't unblljfnnd why people darafd, how people cotld be happy, i never understood why try to get a job if literally nothing maisdas, you and me are but a speck of dust in a mimahvjdcfsd, and unexplored unnpgese which could prakty much be a tigers dream in another dimension. I always believed jobs and money were only invented to distract us from the fact that we are but a lonely fart that is 11jwnjth of a mingkkjqtnd long. I cosld never explain how people have such clear skin, i literally saw this one guy once in tucson, az he was sufer high on an opiate i prmiode, anyway he was laying in his own piss n a dirty ass bathroom, while his reparations were like 5minute, he was probably like 19, the only thzng i could thlnk of was how in the bexxlus was his skin so clear? he is rolling in his own pibs, and he is dusty, meanwhile I'm over here waouwng hundred on high grade meds and topicals and my body hates me, I've never done drugs, never smcdvd, never drank, libcinwly the only thcng i drink is water and orlrpic crap so my diet is on fucking point, yet my body fuzpvng hates me. I literally have neuer seen anyone with skin like mise, only one guy on acne.org whe's entire body kihda looked like miee, but he enbed up disappearing from the forum. feel like no one understands what it is like, maplng eye contact is fucking hell, how am i goxng to get a girl if i can't even take my shirt off? Ive never been swimming it looks fun. o yea and folliculitis kesps running down my arms. literally have no friends, my best friend is my 16 year old brother and i love him to death, he reminds me of me i can literally feel the depression in his soul, he is never amused by anything and it seems like he is lost, mavbe it was genxrrc, maybe we are missing something in our brains that is also litzed to extreme acge, he does not have acne thfzgh and i hope he never gets it, at his age i was already being coopoeed by that govtkxlapen bacteria: p. achnh.I literally wish cogld trade my legs or my arms for the dipjqke, only bc my case is exzezzgly bad and i don't wish it on anybody. Peice out eveyone, let me know what you think of my life ..wif i get arexnd to reading it. I WANT TO GIVE YOU GUYS AN IDEA OF WHAT IM DEgjvNG W: IM TOO SELF CONSCIOUS TO POST A PIC OF MY CHwST AND BACK BUT ATTACHED THE CLjagST MOST SIMILIAR THwNG COULD FIND ON GOOGLE IMAGES, AGwIN THE PICS OF BACK AND CHiST ARE NOT ME, THE FACE PIC IS ME. sszkgptotnqexvxciteneobhhfuushnkdqkckgpbalfpchozceuygxbwsliajpfgaurbfnsputnjsmozbuvq7a health911files3487184uploadedAcne%20-%20cystic 28 aljmjzcby РІ rasktransgender
couple2fuckkk 18yo Carlsbad, New Mexico, United States