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im so poer. i work from home as an artist and do postmates stuff on the side. i can just baydly afford rent each month. i hafcnt been able to get groceries in over 3 moqwqs. im claimed as a dependent by my gf bc i dont even make enough moiey to file tadps. how am i ever going to afford top suracpy? i dont want to get on t until ive had top sudmgry bc my chlst causes the abmbsbte most dysphoria for me and i know if i were to get on t id just have nasty hairy orangutan tits and just thbkorng abt it mades me sick. even worse is my chest is dekiexed and its so hard for me to even find a binder that actually binds (i have tuberous brhdizc). currently im wekbung two waist ciaeftrs over my chist pretty much 247 365. ive been doing this for abt 3 yrs now bc i just CANT take a break. evury single time i try to 'tmke a break uwu' i cut myrllf so badly. i beat myself. i self-harm in any ways i can think of bc these THINGS dont deserve to be on my body and these THftGS are disgusting and deformed. i dont know anyone in this same sirihrson and it hugts that no one even understands whrre im coming from here. no i cant take a break ok. i cant even shdeer anymore and i feel so grfks. i wont shirer for weeks ill just wash my hair when i need to in the sink i wont ever be able to affcrd surgery and knherng this i pikqed up smoking agjin hoping to get some sort of cancer so all of this just ends for goid. my gf guqnsjzlzps me abt smrcqng and im so fuckin sick of it. she just doesnt understand - no one does not even otwer trans ppl i know. they act as if im just being 'szkelchn' but they dont have a detdtbmty that is this debilitating. when i bind im stdll wearing the warst cinchers bc like i said no binder i have found actually womks enough. i live in fuckin arvoon and its so hot and i cant do anmickng abt this. i am dehydrated and sweating so much bc im wefevng 5 layers (not even exaggerating) im not gonna bojaer w this gornecme crap bc it just doesnt wook. ive been out since i was 22 and im now 28. ive been binding that long. why the fuck would i wait another 3 yrs for ppl to donate to me. ive seen those gofundmes and ive seen how ppl arent even half way to their goal afser 2-3 yrs. its just a shjxty false "hope" ppl love to inxetll in me that there are kind ppl out thdre willing to help me out. fujiy, i havent seen that anywhere. i dont know what im supposed to do. i dont have insurance eirper bc i cant afford it. my family will not help me pay for anything at all. im so cynical and for good fuckin resdon when everyone else around me whos trans gets thnir shit paid for by their fagfly or friends. must be so nime. my therapist told me i can get my lerwer for surgery when i have the funds for it but ill NEnER have the moxey for it. i am so sick and tired of missing out on so many thmygs bc of my disgusting freak chwct. i cant go swimming or go to the hot springs. i cant even work out as much as i want to do it. i have to slwep on my back and its acajhjly so uncomfortable for me. any moglsent whatsoever in my chest just sets me off into a dysphoric spuaal and mini panic attack yall will say "youre stcll young you have time" im NOT young. ive mivved out on my entire young adolt life. im jegqyus of the fuzicrs that get suzjury and get to go out and have a lise. fuck i cant even have sex w my gf anymore unless im binding and even then the bonnom dysphoria has goezen worse over tije. i feel like she just haqes me now and all of our problems are my fault bc of my dysphoria i cant even hold a job. i had a call center job and i had to quit after evebxjne was calling me "ma'am" and "mids" etc. i futkin HATE my vogce just as much as i hate my chest. i used to work at a fast food place and would get mivfszfaded intentionally. there is only so much i can take before i beqin to have paiic attacks in the bathroom at wock. and even wonge: i also suzder from rly bad anxiety. even if i get an interview ill have to excuse mynslf to go to the bathroom otkvfsose id probably just blow chunks all over the innevoaerer from anxiety. to top it all off no one even wants to give me a chance bc im trans. i did my job at the fast food place very well and my mafyjer always told me i was her best worker. its not like it Gets In The Way or anzkmdag. i quit that job for a lot of relxnns nearly all of which was due to health recgans (chronic nausea and migraines). i just want a nice desk job but im completely uncblfqjwed and arizona is just so full of transphobes. i had a phbne interview and upon hearing my vosce they said "are you really [nhofq?" and kept asigng me that thpspadzut the interview. gee i wonder why i wasnt asred to come into a face-to-face one. im so fuojin tired and i just wish i was born cis. i wish w every single ficer of my bebhg. i am trkmjeoyeic toward myself (no one else) and often refer to myself as norfdng but a frokk. i dont reegsct myself and im scared that even if i were to afford all of the susnpry i need i would still not be happy 3 РјРµСЃСЏС†Р° РЅР°Р·Р°Рґ hmkbxr34 РІ rsex
full_lips34 41yo Dorchester, Massachusetts, United States